Oui, Oui...We are Americans When in France, Don't Do as the French Do By Benoit Denizet-Lewis

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It is commonly accepted -- even expected -- that when in Rome, you ought to at least try to do as the Romans do. Italians view attempts at emulation to be complimentary, and, in this regard, they could not be more different than their neighbors to the north-west, the French.

When in Paris, doing as the Parisian's do will often end in public displays of American humiliation. The French, if you didn't already know, don't like you, and they have little trouble telling this to your face. Just when Americans became the scum of the earth in the eyes of the French is not completely clear, but our tardy arrival in the Second World War certainly didn't help things.

I am half French and half American, which, if we are to deal in stereotypes, makes me half snob and half idiot. The French do not view Americans as a particularly smart people. We are, in the words of my French mother, "terribly uncultured, and terribly naive." In the eyes of many French folk, Americans are:

• a country with no real history, with no sense of proper place;
• a country that thinks of itself to be the policeman of the world, an honor that -- considering that we have no real history, no sense of proper place -- has not been earned;
• a country where hypocrisy rules, where Puritanical values about sex are preached but rarely followed;
• a country that produces mindless, violent Hollywood films at a dizzying pace;
• a country whose citizens have a propensity for murder and gang violence, and worse yet, a country that glorifies it;
• a country whose citizens are unhealthy and overweight;
• a country that lives on McDonald's and Burger King; and perhaps most horrific,
• a country whose citizens have little clue of how to behave at the dinner table.

This is why, when stepping foot on historic French soil, any American seeking to find acceptance in the eyes of the French will have to prove himself as "un-American." This can be a daunting and time consuming process, one that, even when done well, is not always rewarded by the Frenchiest of the French. To be "un-American" is to be able to name the date of the start of the French Revolution, to know the difference between the Alps and the Pyrenees, to know that you cannot possibly visit the Louvre in one day, to know that real football is a game played with your feet and no helmets, etc.

"Let me tell you the problem with most Americans," said a friend who was educated at a bilingual school in Paris. "In general, Americans are very nice people, they really are. But when you sit down and have a real conversation with them, when you really scratch the surface and see what's in there, a lot of the time you discover that there really isn't much there. Not much culture, not a great deal of intellectual complexity."

How then can an American in Paris come off as "un-American" or, as my friend so eloquently put it, "intellectually complex?" What follows is a list of what Americans should keep in mind when traveling to a country where they may not always feel welcome.

When in France, keep your French to yourself: The French do not take kindly to you butchering their language, so unless you are willing to accept snickers or mockery every time you try and order a $3 Coke, stick with a lot of sign language. For an example of mockery, rent European Vacation.

When in France, know your art: There is nothing that infuriates a Frenchman more than an American who doesn't know the difference between Monet (the founder of impressionism) and Manet, so do your homework before coming. And if you don't know what you're talking about, the golden rule is silence.

When in France, go to the south of France: Parisian's can be particularly brutal, so if you're looking for some kindlier, gentler people and a lot more sunshine, pack your bags and head in a southerly direction. There you will find beautiful beaches and far less attitude.

When in France, remember your manners. The French are watching you: You'd be surprised how many Americans will enter the holy space of Notre Dame and never bother to take off their New York Knicks hat. The French (and I would have to agree with them on this point) view this as disrespectful and uniquely American.

When in France, stand up for yourself. You're an American, dammit! There is only so much snobbism and ridicule that an American should endure before he fights back and shows the world that Americans don't stand for this kind of behavior. I'm a big proponent of using our collective weight advantage over the French to some productive use.

There are, although you may have to do some searching to find them, some French people who do not view Americans in France as excess and irrelevant baggage. When in France, do your best to find these brave Frenchmen. And when you have found them, consider yourself a very lucky American.